Loss

Surrender + Embrace #captureyourgrief

Day 9

I have been learning so much in the past year about myself and how hard I hold on to things. Surrendering is hard for me – especially when it comes to surrendering control. Oh, how I want to control every aspect of my life and get so anxious when I can’t.

Jesus say “Come to Me, all you who are burdened and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

This is such a beautiful promise. Rest sounds amazing – it is not something I feel often at this point in life. My soul is still struggling with the loss of Zeke and moving away from my friends and family while my body is exhausted from chasing a toddler around all day. I am realizing I cannot find rest and calm within myself, so I turn to Jesus. I must make it a daily thing to surrender control and all my worries, stress, plans, and dreams and ask forgivness for thinking I could somehow do better than God.

Even when it feels like all my hopes have been crushed (and I’ve honestly felt that a lot these past few years) He has a plan for my life and I must find rest in that embrace.

I don’t know why I didn’t get to keep Zeke…I wish I did. Maybe I will someday, but even if not He is still good.

I suppose that was one of the hardest things – to surrender control and pray “Thy will be done”. This became our daily prayer during his 25 days as things grew bleaker.

Until finally, as we told Ezekiel we loved him and surrendered our dreams for him one final time, he awoke in God’s perfect, eternal embrace.

Oh how glad I am to have the hope of seeing him again!

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