I spent some time trying to think of various myths surrounding child loss, for whatever reason this prompt is hard for me, but I thought of two.
- Time heals all wounds.
- You no longer count/consider/parent the child you lost
We lost Ezekiel a year and a half ago and it still hurts so much .I have talked with many people further along in their grief than I am and they too still have bad days. I miss him daily and wonder constantly what it would have been like to raise both my boys, to see him and Noel play together. Some weeks and months are harder than others. October is hard because that’s when we had our IVF cycle. April and Easter are hard because that is when Zeke passed. I have found its always the milestones and holidays I don’t think will be hard that are… I mean, things get better and it starts to hurt less; Life goes on but I have been changed forever.
As for the second point, I will always consider Zeke my child. I still tell people I have two boys – one here on earth and one in heaven. I know not everyone is comfortable with this, but it is what feels right for me. I have also found you still “parent” a deceased child, just in a very different way. We still celebrate Ezekiel’s birthday and get an ornament in honor of him at Christmas. We give little gifts to people in the NICU on the day he passed. It about trying to find a balance I suppose – a way to honor him and our love for him.