Loss

The Unspoken #captureyourgrief

Day 5

There are things that happen after your baby dies that no thinks to talk about and while they aren’t “pressing” per say need to be done.

Shopping for an urn and picking a funeral home – I had no clue how to go about this. We were handed a list of places (honestly I don’t even remember where that list came from) and had to go from there… I remember wishing a could just have a checklist to follow. [Side note] it sucks that there are prettier urns and more selection for pets than there are for babies. It took so long for my husband and I to agree on one – we actually had it custom painted in the end.
The registry – I had twins and it reflected that. When we lost Zeke it occurred to me I would have to go through and delete things so it reflected our new status as the parents of only one living baby.
Facebook – I had joined a bunch of groups for twin moms. One about breast feeding twins, another about natural twin births, a few about baby wearing twins, etc. All those posts would show up in my feed until I left each one…wanting so badly to tell everyone how grateful they should be, but leaving silently instead

It was all harder than I imagined.

Also, I find myself afraid to comment sometimes. I have a lot of knowledge about twins and twin related gear, but I hold my tongue when people ask (not ask me directly, but ask the general public/facebook post/a group/etc). I worry that they will think my opinions have no merit or that I’ll just be a reminder that things could go south at any moment. So I stay silent – letting my thoughts go unspoken.

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