Loss

Who They Are #Captureyourgrief

Day 2

Ezekiel Quinn DeJarnette

Ezekiel means “God Strengthens” – this was a promise we clung to and prayed over him. God did indeed strengthen him – though not here on earth like we wished, but in heaven. He also had given Paul and I strength through being Zeke’s parents.

Quinn means “Wisdom” or “Counsel”, also appropriate as we sought wisdom through counsel on how we should proceed when he became so ill. It gave us comfort knowing the God was in control and brought all our doctors to us.

My son, my firstborn.

He was so tiny, but our biggest at 1lb 13oz. He had this adorable, pointy nose…it was one of his few features that didn’t become swollen towards the end. His hair looked like it would have been curly if it was longer. We didn’t see his eyes much, but I will never forget the moment we shared when he looked at me and squeezed my finger. It felt reassuring in a way – I think my soul knew before I accepted he would not be with us long. God is good to prepare us before we even know what is going on.

He was our quiet fighter, never making a sound. He fought for each of his 25 days he spent with us – his sweet soul staying on this earth longer than many predicted.

He is our son, a nephew, a grandson and great grandson. Noel’s brother and more so, his twin.

Zeke is still so loved and so missed. I wonder often what it would be like to have two little 18 month olds running around. He is my reason to fight for the tiny babies – to walk to help research to end prematurity and help those born prematurely come home and lead a normal life. He has renewed my beliefs in life and that ALL life is worth living and fighting for. I have always been pro-life, but now even more so.

He inspires me to speak. To talk about him and connect with other parents who have lost children.I tell people I have two children, for though he is not here, he will always be my baby. Having child in heaven does not mean I don’t parent them – it is just parenting differently. In turn, he has inspired others to talk about their losses.

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