There is both relief and grief in that word. Relief to no longer be in the dark, but grief from knowing what you are facing.

On Receiving a Diagnosis:

People ask all the time when we are going to have kids. For those who don’t know, my husband Paul and I have been trying to conceive for over a year. As we starting coming up on a year of trying with no luck whatsoever, we began to seek doctors’ help in trying to determine why that was. Last Friday, after both of us had been poked and prodded for months, we got our diagnosis. We are infertile. If we conceive children naturally it will be a miracle.

It hurts to type that. Seeing it in a sentence makes it all the more real. I know it isn’t a death sentence, and that there are other ways to become parents. We are being referred to an infertility clinic. God has done remarkable things through medicine and adoption. But still…our hearts are grieved. 

My husband wrote this about our diagnosis. I ask that you read it, for he wrote it more beautifully than I ever could.

On Waiting for a Diagnosis:

In the midst of all this testing, I went in to talk to my doctor about a certain medication she was prescribing to see if that helped us conceive. While there, I was informed that my heart rate had been constantly high and my blood pressure on the higher end of normal every time I had gone in, and it concerned them.

They did an EKG right then, and referred me to the cardiology clinic.

It is scary to go into the doctor to talk about one thing, and then end up having tests performed for another.

Also, being told not to worry/stress about a potential heart issue because it might make it worse is pointless advice.

I’m going to stress.

I’m nearing the end of the two weeks of wearing an event monitor, I can’t wait to get this off! It is annoying and the strap hurts my neck. I’ve had a stress test, and my results were abnormal. I have to have an ultrasound of my heart next month, along with wearing a special 24 hour monitor. I should have a good idea of what is going on with my heart by the end of July.

We Are Tired. 

Tired of being stressed, tired of my emotions being all over the place, tired of worry, tired of the well meaning statements from people, tired of acting like everything is okay….just…tired.

I know we’ll be okay, our God is big, strong, and mighty and there is nothing God cannot do. I know sorrow may last through the night and joy comes with the morning, and I pray that for all these struggles, our faith and marriage will be even stronger.

All we have is Christ.